Best Friends Forever!

To My Dearest Cousin Lucy,

I apologize that I haven't written sooner - it was just a couple days ago that I was able to coordinate my thoughts via my brain circuitry development schedule, or else this would have been sent a long time ago.  Plus my mom and dad are having Wi-Fi troubles with their stupid wireless router so I don't always have the best connection.

Anywho, just wanted to touch base with you. So I guess we're cousins? I've always wanted a cousin, ever since I was conceived about 18 weeks ago. It's just always been a dream of mine.  I can imagine that we'll have some good times together. I started thinking, what if Lucy doesn't like me, but then I recognized how ridiculous that sounded seeing how everyone likes my dad...and I am very much my father's son.   But enough about me and my irresistible charm that exudes even from the womb.  Let's talk about you.

First off, you're gorgeous. Which is great for you but, think about how this will work...say we're hanging out at the mall or something and we're walking around together like besties and then I'm trying to hit on girls but they're all thinking that you're my GF and it will just scare them off.  I have to think about these things.

Here's a preview:

LUCY

RUSSELL

See I mean, it really is going to be a good time. I figure we can take turns terrorizing other cousins or maybe our own younger brothers or sisters.

At any rate, we're gonna be "Power Cousins", I just coined that phrase. I hear you're gettin' out of here soon, like in the next week or so. I still have another 5 months or so, but I might get out a couple weeks early for good behavior. My dad got out over a month early, he must have been really great.

Anyway, I love you so much and we haven't even met yet.



Your Cousin Always,

Russel James Baumgartner

Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Dear Little Baby (boy) Baum,

It was really good seeing you today.  Looks like everything is going smoothly, thank goodness. I guess you're a boy, which means a couple things...it means that you and I have to stick together. Sometimes we will need to vote as a family and I will expect us guys to collaborate and possibly gang up against your mom 2-against-1 style. I'm talking about things like family vacations, dinner menus, decor, family activities, TV programming, etc.

There's really no reason why you should already be this cute!

I guess it's not fair to your mom, so we will let her win some of the time.  We'll discuss this ad nauseam when you get here, just a heads up for now. By the way... I love you so much already!

Love,

Dad

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I Love You, Tomorrow

Dear Little Baby Baum,

Tomorrow is the big day.  Are you a boy or a girl? Am I going to coach you in basketball as a teenager or clean my guns when boys come-a-courtin'? Are you going to be a daddy's girl, or a mamma's boy? Are you going to play with dolls or toy trucks, or in your uncle Jess's case...both. Will your room be pink-ly decorated or adorned with animals from a safari or whatever your mom has concocted in her little fashionista brain? Are we going to get a dirt-covered little devil or a prim and proper little princess? I can't wait to find out.

You will be born in the chinese year of the Rabbit (which are everywhere in Colorado), I was born in the year of the Rooster and, not surprisingly your mother was born in the year of the Rat...I kid! All I know is that I'm so excited to find out what you are and to see you again in the ultrasound.  Your cousin Lucy is getting here soon, in the next week or so, she'll be older than you, but not by much.  You guys will have fun, she's moving to Colorado too, so you'll have someone to play with.

I gotta go now, but I will see you tomorrow!!!!

Love,

Dad

Prince or Princess?

Dear Little Baby Baum,

In one week you will tell us whether or not you're a boy or a girl.  I have to say I had a dream that your mom and I were in the doctor's office and looking at the ultra-sound and you ended up being a boy. My gut tells me that I have no idea, but my dreams have been saying boy.  Either way, I'm usually wrong according to your mom.

If you're a Prince, I will make sure that you:

• Get a nerf hoop up as soon as you can roll over
• Fauxhawk?
• The first words you learn will have something to do with ducks or spurs or both
• example first sentence: I can't get the spur out of my duck bill.
•  Love bacon
• Come with me to practice and games
• Learn to treat a lady right, which means no screaming at your mom.
• there will be about a two year learning curve here, I anticipate
•  See the ocean as soon as possible
• Know the importance of a strong handshake

If you're a Princess, I will make sure that you:

• Get a nerf hoop up as soon as you can roll over
• Have curly hair like cousin Livie for special occasions (i.e. duck games, cracker barrel, oil changes)
• The first words you learn will have something to do with ducks or spurs or both
• example first sentence: I can't get the spur out of my duck bill.
•  Love bacon
• Come with me to practice and games
• Learn to treat a man right, which means no screaming at your dad.
• there will be about a two year learning curve here, I anticipate
•  See the ocean as soon as possible

I'm gonna love you no matter what or what you are, boy or girl. I'm going to try to be the best Dad in the world, and you'll have the best Mom in the world too...so you better turn out to be a good kid because you'll have no excuse.   Just kidding...but seriously.

Love,

Dad