Daddy's Version of Events

RJ,

Until this point in your life I had only known your hands and feet against the inside of your mommy's belly or felt her body move when you had hiccups. I was about to see you. I was about to feel you, and kiss you, and hold you. They took your mom back into the surgery room while they prepped her for your arrival. I was instructed to wait in a lobby that consisted of two chairs and a hallway and a guy's office across from me. It was silent. I waited, my leg bouncing up and down....1/4 impatience, 3/4 Attention Deficit Disorder.  I remember closing my eyes and praying that you would be safe, that your mommy would be safe. I paced. I sat back down. I paced. I sat down. I did this ADD dance for what seemed like 3 hours. It was probably about 45 minutes. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to think. I was about to meet my son. I was about to see you, Russell.

I got up and started walking down the hallway and a nurse called at me from behind, "I've been looking all over for you!" I told her I was right where they put me and apparently there was a mix-up because they were looking for me in a different spot. She instructed me to follow her and put on my mask...I was about to meet my son.

They walked me into a room. It was a pretty big room with a operating table in the middle where your mom was, only her head and shoulders on my side of a big blue sheet. The nurse led me to a chair, right next to your mom's head. She was pretty out of it. But She managed a smile and an "I love you".

It literally took about one minute and I heard you. We heard you. You were crying, which was a good sign. It was what your mommy and I had been hoping for. We had talked about how nerve-wracking that few seconds between birth and breath would be, but I heard you before they even pulled you out. It was like they made an incision and you were yelling at us for waking you up for school or something...but it was the sweetest sound EVER.  I leaned over to your mom and said, "That's our son." I gave her a kiss on the forehead. She was pretty out of it but she smiled and her eyes filled with tears. We had both been waiting for you for so long.

They held you up above the sheet so that we could see you immediately...and you went potty all over everything...then they pulled you back and then they held you up again so that we could get a photo. Your mommy said "He's perfect". You were mad. You were covered in white and red...stuff. They took you to a table farther away but in the same room to clean you off and check you out. We kept hearing you cry and it made us smile...you're mom was losing a lot of blood and was starting to feel sick. They asked if I wanted to see you and they took me around where your mom was laying and I could see the doctors and nurses sewing your mom up. I saw you laying on a table with a warming lamp as a nurse was cleaning you off. I asked them if I could touch you and they said yes. I took a zillion photos of you while you lay there crying. I put the camera around my wrist and I reached out my hand to yours. I put my finger in the palm of your hand and, with an effortless move of your tiny little muscles, you squeezed my finger and changed my life forever.

I was a dad.

I remember feeling so guilty that I was walking and holding your hand while your mom was being sewn up and wasn't able to enjoy this with me. I asked if I could take you back to see your mom. When I walked around to where your mom's head was you could tell that she was struggling to stay conscious. She could barely move her head to see you so I held you up to see her. She had tears running down her cheek. They told me we were going to have to leave and that mom was losing a lot of blood but they assured me she was going to be ok, we just had to go. That was hard. I wanted to share you with her...but she joined us shortly after in the recovery room. We were parents. We were in love with a 7 lb. 2 ounce baby boy who already needed a haircut.

And that's the story of how you arrived and became little baby Russell...now go clean your room and get ready for bed.

I love you. Always have.

Love,

Dad