I was just thinking about all the talks we will have, and things I'll need to teach you. I thought I could start developing some responses to this one in written form... for practice. As always, feedback is appreciated.
Q "Dad, where do babies come from?"
Answer 1: "Well, [son/daughter], when a man and a woman love each other very much and they decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, they catch a ride on a magic unicorn that whisks them away to a land called Fertilica. Once they arrive they are immediately taken to a giant garden filled with soda pop rivers and gummy candy trees. While they wait to be admitted into the baby section of the garden they are given a quick course on parenting, taught by a tiny leprechaun named Carl. Carl teaches the parents about potty training, ABC's, and blending homemade baby food. After the lecture they are admitted into the inner garden... "The Garden 'O' Babes" which is where we get the term "Kindergarten" today.
It is important to remember that each set of parents has a key card. This key card allows them access to take a baby home with them back to earth. Even after constant reminders from your Mom, Dad forgot the keycard for you in the car, which was still in the parking lot for Unicorn Station, CO. Luckily there was a customer service booth where I could show my ID and get a temporary keycard...otherwise you might not have made the trip back with us.
It all worked out great because as soon as we were re-admitted, and after your mom stopped yelling at me for always forgetting things and being irresponsible, we came to your tree. We asked the attendant "how much for this one", and after a little negotiation (we wanted Ivy League Compatible but they were asking WAY too much for that option, so we settled with Private College Compatible with Above Average Sense of Humor, and they threw in a free set of Blue Eyes (after rebate).
We stopped at the outlet mall just outside of the garden and picked up some essentials, toys, crib, vitamix, carseat, diapers, etc., packed them in the unicorn carrying case, and prepared for the magical trip back to earth. Each parent has to show the receipt for the baby right before they're allowed back to earth (similar to costco).
And that's about it. Did I answer your question?"
I loved you from the moment I saw you in that tree.
Love,
Dad
No comments:
Post a Comment