Better With Ranch

Dear Russell,

You are just over 6 months old and starting to enjoy the tastes of real food. For some reason, you love barley cereal mixed with formula. You literally can't get enough of it. I hope you can keep this taste you have for healthy foods. I probably won't be the best influence, although I have my phases.

You think the berry melt-aways are pretty good. Your mom dissolves them in your formula sometimes. I've tried one...they're not that great. They taste a little like berries and a lot like powdered chalk. I've made a list of foods that I think you will love when you are 2 years old. And when I say "I think you'll love them", I really mean I hope you do.

1. Pepperoni Pizza
2. Orange Chicken from Panda Express
3. Tomato Basil Bisque
4. Bacon
5. Ice Cream Sandwiches
6. Grilled Cheese sandwiches
7. Bacon

This will make it so I'll always be able to say "But Russell doesn't like that..." We'll always have our little list of go-to foods for you...and me. Of course you'll be 200 lbs as a 2 year old and I will have a heart attack at age 34 but we will have lived, and lived well.

Here is a video of you eating real baby food for the first time, carrots. You don't seem to be too excited but, I'll tell you this, as with almost everything in life...they're better with ranch.

Love,

Da Da

Daddy's Version of Events

RJ,

Until this point in your life I had only known your hands and feet against the inside of your mommy's belly or felt her body move when you had hiccups. I was about to see you. I was about to feel you, and kiss you, and hold you. They took your mom back into the surgery room while they prepped her for your arrival. I was instructed to wait in a lobby that consisted of two chairs and a hallway and a guy's office across from me. It was silent. I waited, my leg bouncing up and down....1/4 impatience, 3/4 Attention Deficit Disorder.  I remember closing my eyes and praying that you would be safe, that your mommy would be safe. I paced. I sat back down. I paced. I sat down. I did this ADD dance for what seemed like 3 hours. It was probably about 45 minutes. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to think. I was about to meet my son. I was about to see you, Russell.

I got up and started walking down the hallway and a nurse called at me from behind, "I've been looking all over for you!" I told her I was right where they put me and apparently there was a mix-up because they were looking for me in a different spot. She instructed me to follow her and put on my mask...I was about to meet my son.

They walked me into a room. It was a pretty big room with a operating table in the middle where your mom was, only her head and shoulders on my side of a big blue sheet. The nurse led me to a chair, right next to your mom's head. She was pretty out of it. But She managed a smile and an "I love you".

It literally took about one minute and I heard you. We heard you. You were crying, which was a good sign. It was what your mommy and I had been hoping for. We had talked about how nerve-wracking that few seconds between birth and breath would be, but I heard you before they even pulled you out. It was like they made an incision and you were yelling at us for waking you up for school or something...but it was the sweetest sound EVER.  I leaned over to your mom and said, "That's our son." I gave her a kiss on the forehead. She was pretty out of it but she smiled and her eyes filled with tears. We had both been waiting for you for so long.

They held you up above the sheet so that we could see you immediately...and you went potty all over everything...then they pulled you back and then they held you up again so that we could get a photo. Your mommy said "He's perfect". You were mad. You were covered in white and red...stuff. They took you to a table farther away but in the same room to clean you off and check you out. We kept hearing you cry and it made us smile...you're mom was losing a lot of blood and was starting to feel sick. They asked if I wanted to see you and they took me around where your mom was laying and I could see the doctors and nurses sewing your mom up. I saw you laying on a table with a warming lamp as a nurse was cleaning you off. I asked them if I could touch you and they said yes. I took a zillion photos of you while you lay there crying. I put the camera around my wrist and I reached out my hand to yours. I put my finger in the palm of your hand and, with an effortless move of your tiny little muscles, you squeezed my finger and changed my life forever.

I was a dad.

I remember feeling so guilty that I was walking and holding your hand while your mom was being sewn up and wasn't able to enjoy this with me. I asked if I could take you back to see your mom. When I walked around to where your mom's head was you could tell that she was struggling to stay conscious. She could barely move her head to see you so I held you up to see her. She had tears running down her cheek. They told me we were going to have to leave and that mom was losing a lot of blood but they assured me she was going to be ok, we just had to go. That was hard. I wanted to share you with her...but she joined us shortly after in the recovery room. We were parents. We were in love with a 7 lb. 2 ounce baby boy who already needed a haircut.

And that's the story of how you arrived and became little baby Russell...now go clean your room and get ready for bed.

I love you. Always have.

Love,

Dad

It's ok to sleep at night...

Dear Little Ru,

Your mother and I wanted to make sure you understood a few things. First, it's ok to sleep at night. The bags under your mother's eyes may look funny and it makes you smile, but it makes your mom sad. Also, I have to stay up with you on the weekends and, although I enjoy our time together, it makes me realize what your mom is going through most nights.

Here are some sleeping tips that I've picked up through the years. Feel free to try any and/or all of these, multiple times if necessary...until one of them works. Please.

I like to think about things I need to do, you know, like chores. That usually makes me sleepy. Also, when you're able to eat real food, turkey makes me want to sleep...that, and copious amounts of mashed potatoes and gravy...and by "copious amounts" I mean the whole thing...and by "mashed potatoes" I mean Apple pie.

Count sheep - I know you can't count yet, but I have tried this and it does work...no matter how many mountain dews I have consumed.

Watching your mom's favorite TV shows puts me to sleep almost instantly. In fact, even now when you're cranky and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills comes on, you fall asleep within seconds. You don't even wait for the show to start, you hear the theme music and you're out. It's actually impressive, and I'm not easily impressed.

Homework - this put me to sleep when I was in college, but, may have had less to do with me studying and more to do with what I was doing until 4 AM the night before.

Work - similar to homework, where you are working at home - work is where you work at work...it gets complicated. No one explained to me when I was a kid how I could be tired all day at work and then at the end of the day after working all day I would get a bunch of energy. It's called "looking forward to seeing your wife and son". (See also Monday Night Football)

Well, that should at least get you started. When all else fails you can just shut your eyes for an extended period of time. Eventually you'll get the hang of it.

I know your mom would appreciate it.

I love you more than a cream puff on an escalator (cream puffs also help you get to sleep).

Love,

Dad

So You're Gonna Be A Son

Dear Little Baby Baum,

In a few short days you're gonna be a son. Your life is going to change. Before Thursday, October 6th, 2011 it was just you. All you had to worry about was taking nutrients from the cord and floating around in the placenta. Life was a breeze before. Reality starts on Thursday for you, my friend. No more hiding out in the dark safety of your mom's uterus. It's go-time now. Instead of being crouched in the fetal position, you'll be crouched in every conceivable position, as your mom and dad and grandparents and great-grandparents, and uncles and aunts and cousins take photos of you non-stop...day and night...awake and asleep.

You'll think, "I remember when it was just me, alone with my thoughts and my delicious thumb." Those days are gone. Now you have to put up with a goofy father who loves watching football and dressing you up in green and yellow and, occasionally, Duke Blue Devil Blue. It will be the hardest thing, and the most rewarding thing you'll have gone through so far.

Yes, Russell. Your life is going to change.

Of course your parent's life will change too...but yours...your change will be exponentially greater.

So you thought nutrients from the umbilical cord were good. Well, I have news for you...wait til you're old enough to taste Doritos. I can't even begin to imagine how comfortable it must feel inside the womb...but wait until you're old enough to lay on a memory foam mattress. You like to suck your thumb, who doesn't! But wait 'til you start playing basketball! You are in for a great life, Russell. Your mom and I will make sure of that.

Just don't let it go to your head. You're going to be told non-stop how cute you are, and how smart you are, and how awesome you are. I'll tell you that you're my best little buddy. You're mom will call you her little man. Maggie will get jealous of all the attention you are getting and possibly start to growl at you. Take it all in stride. Know that there may be two or three other babies out there that are just as cute if not cuter. There may be a smarter kid out there, maybe not in the western hemisphere, but probably somewhere in the world there will be. There may be a set of parents that love their son as much as your mom and I do already. Probably not, but maybe.

Can't wait until we get to hang out.

I am obsessed with you already. So is your mom.

I promise to be the best dad to you that I can be. You're going to think I'm perfect for the first few years of your life and maybe into your teens, but someday you'll see that I'm just a man. You'll see my faults. You'll see my weaknesses and mistakes. You'll understand that I'm not perfect, but you'll see through Christ that I am. You'll know that when I say "I Love You, Russell", that I meant it. Every time. You'll become your own person, with your own independent thoughts and dreams. You'll see us there for you when you triumph...you'll feel how it feels to fail and still be loved.

You will always be loved. You will always be my son.

See you on Thursday.

Love,

Dad.

Can You Move, Please?

Dear Little Baby Baum,

So, it seems like you decided to take a whole day off from moving around. It worried your mom and I to the point that we called the hospital and drove in after they recommended we do so. It turned out that once they stuck the monitors on you that you decided to move around like a river dancer.

We were at the hospital for about an hour, it was a pretty cool dry run for the real show. The nurses and the doctor were very nice. It made us feel really good about the place where you would first meet us. Now, technically there still is a chance that your mother will give birth to you in the back of a cab or in an Albertson's parking lot...but, I have a plan for just about every contingency. The only situations in which I have yet to devise a plan are if monkeys start to rule the earth a la Planet of the Apes, or if there is a magnitude 8 eathquake or higher that causes your mom to go into spontaneous labor. I've accounted for just about everything else...even if I have yet to set up your crib.

Keep on growing. Keep on moving. Keep on keepin' on.

Love you, Russell.

Love,

Dad

Russelizer

Dear Little Baby Baum,

I'm desperately trying to come up with nicknames for you in the next few weeks. You're only a little over 5 weeks from seeing us and I'm gonna need a nickname right of the bat. I'm struggling though because the name Russell doesn't lend itself well to easy nicknames so, I'm having to be creative. Of course I could go with Rusty, but I'm not diggin' that name. Yeah, I said diggin'. It was cool to say when I was a kid and it's still cool.

Here are some of your potential nicknames:

1. Russellator
2. Russ-for-the-cure
3. Russ-ya-ma-callit
4. Big R
5. Russpot
6. Rustbelt
7. Russapottomas
8. Russ-Baum
9. He's not your J-Baum, He's not my J-Baum, he's RJ-Baum
10. Call of Ktulu
11. Russaprocity
12. RJ
13. Cardio Pulmonary Russ-uss-atation
14. Ruh-Roh (like the dog from the jetsons says)
15. Face

Anyway, that's the list so far. I'm sure when I see you I'll think of many many more. Plus your mom is pretty good at making up words...not so good about forgiving your dad when he makes little mistakes...but good at making up words. :)

I probably just got slapped.

I love you, little guy.

Love,

Dad

Your Mom Is HOT!

Dear Little Baby Baum,

Get used to this phrase, "Your mom is HOT!". It's gonna happen frequently and it's something you need to be prepared for. There are several ways to react when this phrase comes up. The first would be to just say "I know". The second would be a stern warning to your friend to back off and letting him know that your dad is a black belt in Karate, whether it's true or not is not the point. This tactic is called "deflection". The third and arguably the most controversial would be a simple slap in the face.

The bottom line is this is how Hot your mom is...at 6 months pregnant. It's not going to get any better when she's not craving ice cream and french fries. it's only going to get worse for you, my little friend.

Your Mom - HOT!

How do you think it is for me when I have to deal with "you're with HIM?!" questions all the time. It's not easy but to make it through you just have to remind yourself that Hot Mom/Wife = less waiting in line, larger samples at Costco, free stuff occasionally, and a few more minutes waiting for mom to get ready before going out.

I would encourage you to feel proud about how beautiful your mom is and to hope and pray that you are able to marry someone as pretty or even close. I can give you some tips mostly that have to do with playing the guitar, being able to cook, and an unparallelled sense of humor and wit.

I love you little guy.

Love,

Dad

4 Months and You're a Baumgartner (Officially)

Dear Little Baby Baum,

I know you'll probably end up being President of the United States, so I'll make sure there is no question about your birthplace when we fill out your birth certificate. I am pretty excited about the fact that you've been kicking your mom hard enough so that I can feel you from the outside. Your first kick that I felt was during the movie "Nacho Libre", which is a great omen, I think.

I guess what I wanted to say this time is that I love you. There aren't enough cool words to express this, but I have a feeling you'll be able to tell from the moment I hold you in my arms. Your mother loves you too just as much, your sister Maggie is already a little jealous.  Every time I kiss your mom's belly she will get in between us and bite my ears.  That's her way of saying "Relax Dad, you can be obsessed with him when he gets here."

I woke her up. Look how annoyed she looks!

Maggie still sleeps with us, and growls at us if we move around too much...actually your mom does the same thing. I on the other hand, sleep through anything and everything...even my alarm sometimes...but I don't like to talk about it.

So, keep growin' little man! I once went 6 months without having thai food...I can wait 4 months for my firstborn...but, it will be just as tough...well, it will be close. Jk...but seriously. GET HERE! (but not too fast).

Love,

Dad

Best Friends Forever!

To My Dearest Cousin Lucy,

I apologize that I haven't written sooner - it was just a couple days ago that I was able to coordinate my thoughts via my brain circuitry development schedule, or else this would have been sent a long time ago.  Plus my mom and dad are having Wi-Fi troubles with their stupid wireless router so I don't always have the best connection.

Anywho, just wanted to touch base with you. So I guess we're cousins? I've always wanted a cousin, ever since I was conceived about 18 weeks ago. It's just always been a dream of mine.  I can imagine that we'll have some good times together. I started thinking, what if Lucy doesn't like me, but then I recognized how ridiculous that sounded seeing how everyone likes my dad...and I am very much my father's son.   But enough about me and my irresistible charm that exudes even from the womb.  Let's talk about you.

First off, you're gorgeous. Which is great for you but, think about how this will work...say we're hanging out at the mall or something and we're walking around together like besties and then I'm trying to hit on girls but they're all thinking that you're my GF and it will just scare them off.  I have to think about these things.

Here's a preview:

LUCY

RUSSELL

See I mean, it really is going to be a good time. I figure we can take turns terrorizing other cousins or maybe our own younger brothers or sisters.

At any rate, we're gonna be "Power Cousins", I just coined that phrase. I hear you're gettin' out of here soon, like in the next week or so. I still have another 5 months or so, but I might get out a couple weeks early for good behavior. My dad got out over a month early, he must have been really great.

Anyway, I love you so much and we haven't even met yet.



Your Cousin Always,

Russel James Baumgartner

Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Dear Little Baby (boy) Baum,

It was really good seeing you today.  Looks like everything is going smoothly, thank goodness. I guess you're a boy, which means a couple things...it means that you and I have to stick together. Sometimes we will need to vote as a family and I will expect us guys to collaborate and possibly gang up against your mom 2-against-1 style. I'm talking about things like family vacations, dinner menus, decor, family activities, TV programming, etc.

There's really no reason why you should already be this cute!

I guess it's not fair to your mom, so we will let her win some of the time.  We'll discuss this ad nauseam when you get here, just a heads up for now. By the way... I love you so much already!

Love,

Dad

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I Love You, Tomorrow

Dear Little Baby Baum,

Tomorrow is the big day.  Are you a boy or a girl? Am I going to coach you in basketball as a teenager or clean my guns when boys come-a-courtin'? Are you going to be a daddy's girl, or a mamma's boy? Are you going to play with dolls or toy trucks, or in your uncle Jess's case...both. Will your room be pink-ly decorated or adorned with animals from a safari or whatever your mom has concocted in her little fashionista brain? Are we going to get a dirt-covered little devil or a prim and proper little princess? I can't wait to find out.

You will be born in the chinese year of the Rabbit (which are everywhere in Colorado), I was born in the year of the Rooster and, not surprisingly your mother was born in the year of the Rat...I kid! All I know is that I'm so excited to find out what you are and to see you again in the ultrasound.  Your cousin Lucy is getting here soon, in the next week or so, she'll be older than you, but not by much.  You guys will have fun, she's moving to Colorado too, so you'll have someone to play with.

I gotta go now, but I will see you tomorrow!!!!

Love,

Dad

Prince or Princess?

Dear Little Baby Baum,

In one week you will tell us whether or not you're a boy or a girl.  I have to say I had a dream that your mom and I were in the doctor's office and looking at the ultra-sound and you ended up being a boy. My gut tells me that I have no idea, but my dreams have been saying boy.  Either way, I'm usually wrong according to your mom.

If you're a Prince, I will make sure that you:

• Get a nerf hoop up as soon as you can roll over
• Fauxhawk?
• The first words you learn will have something to do with ducks or spurs or both
• example first sentence: I can't get the spur out of my duck bill.
•  Love bacon
• Come with me to practice and games
• Learn to treat a lady right, which means no screaming at your mom.
• there will be about a two year learning curve here, I anticipate
•  See the ocean as soon as possible
• Know the importance of a strong handshake

If you're a Princess, I will make sure that you:

• Get a nerf hoop up as soon as you can roll over
• Have curly hair like cousin Livie for special occasions (i.e. duck games, cracker barrel, oil changes)
• The first words you learn will have something to do with ducks or spurs or both
• example first sentence: I can't get the spur out of my duck bill.
•  Love bacon
• Come with me to practice and games
• Learn to treat a man right, which means no screaming at your dad.
• there will be about a two year learning curve here, I anticipate
•  See the ocean as soon as possible

I'm gonna love you no matter what or what you are, boy or girl. I'm going to try to be the best Dad in the world, and you'll have the best Mom in the world too...so you better turn out to be a good kid because you'll have no excuse.   Just kidding...but seriously.

Love,

Dad

When a Man and a Woman Love Each Other Very Much

Dear Little Baby Baum,

I was just thinking about all the talks we will have, and things I'll need to teach you. I thought I could start developing some responses to this one in written form... for practice. As always, feedback is appreciated.

Q "Dad, where do babies come from?"

Answer 1: "Well, [son/daughter], when a man and a woman love each other very much and they decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, they catch a ride on a magic unicorn that whisks them away to a land called Fertilica.  Once they arrive they are immediately taken to a giant garden filled with soda pop rivers and gummy candy trees.  While they wait to be admitted into the baby section of the garden they are given a quick course on parenting, taught by a tiny leprechaun named Carl.  Carl teaches the parents about potty training, ABC's, and blending homemade baby food. After the lecture they are admitted into the inner garden... "The Garden 'O' Babes" which is where we get the term "Kindergarten" today.

It is important to remember that each set of parents has a key card. This key card allows them access to take a baby home with them back to earth. Even after constant reminders from your Mom, Dad forgot the keycard for you in the car, which was still in the parking lot for Unicorn Station, CO. Luckily there was a customer service booth where I could show my ID and get a temporary keycard...otherwise you might not have made the trip back with us.

It all worked out great because as soon as we were re-admitted, and after your mom stopped yelling at me for always forgetting things and being irresponsible, we came to your tree. We asked the attendant "how much for this one", and after a little negotiation (we wanted Ivy League Compatible but they were asking WAY too much for that option, so we settled with Private College Compatible with Above Average Sense of Humor, and they threw in a free set of Blue Eyes (after rebate).

We stopped at the outlet mall just outside of the garden and picked up some essentials, toys, crib, vitamix, carseat, diapers, etc., packed them in the unicorn carrying case, and prepared for the magical trip back to earth. Each parent has to show the receipt for the baby right before they're allowed back to earth (similar to costco).

And that's about it. Did I answer your question?"

I loved you from the moment I saw you in that tree.

Love,

Dad

I'm Sorry Mom

Dear Mom,

I know that the last few days have been kind of rough for you...and I feel like a lot of it is probably my fault. I am taking a lot of your blood away from your head...which makes you get lightheaded in the grocery store, and I know you're at the grocery store to get food to feed me (and dad) in the first place! And I'm making your uterus stretch, and your joints hurt :(

I wish so bad that there was something I could do to make you hurt less, so today I tried to make my heart beat SO strong for you and gave you some movement to hear as well (which was really me giving the heartbeat monitor a thumbs-up so you knew everything was OK here in Placenta-Land).

I was really hoping for another ultra-sound, because I had prepared some interpretive dance moves to "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J, an homage to your light-headed-ness. But I can save that for the next one.  Speaking of which, your next appointment on May 11th, you will find out if I'm a boy or a girl.  I already know of course, but I had to promise not to say anything yet. I can't tell Dad either, because God told me that he's not the best at keeping secrets.

Anywho, I just want you to know that you're doing a great job keeping everything copacetic in here, and don't get too mad at Maggie when she steps on your tummy - I kind of like having someone to play with. I will say this though, can you let Dad go get us Frosty's from Wendy's tonight? I'm kind of craving them...(Dad told God to tell me to tell you that).

So I am so sorry that you're going through all this, I know it must be stressful. I'll try to be as good as I can be; but, with everything you're sacrificing just know that I am so appreciative of what you're going through so that I can belong to you. If my tear ducts were fully developed it would make me teary eyed just thinking about it.

I can't wait to see you for the first time! God says you're in his top 3 most gorgeous and favorite creations! He also mentioned Kim Kardashian, and Natalie Portman...it's funny but dad wasn't mentioned in any of God's favorite lists except for the "Top Works in Progress" list, and "Loves his Wife the Most" lists.

I better go though, we're working on creating some higher level brain functions this week so I really need to focus. 

I'm so lucky to have you as my mom!

Love,

Baby Baum

C-M-A

Dear Little Baby Baum,

She is SO FREAKING CUTE!

This past weekend your mom and I were helping your cousin Olivia with her alphabet.  We started with the letters C, M, and A. Coley and Livie repeated them over and over and over again until they got stuck in my head so bad.

In the real estate marketing world, where I spend a lot of my time, CMA stands for Comparative Market Analysis. I began thinking of other acronyms and made a short list:

1. Censoring My Aunt
2. Calling Mid-Level Astronauts
3. Center for Mind Abatement
4. Cauliflower Mineral Amount
5. Certified Miners Association
6. Cancel My Appointment
7. Conveniently Missing Assignments
8. Cutting Multiple Angles
9. Career Minded Aliens
10. Circle Mr. Anderson
11. Cheyenne Mountain Aquarium
12. Cheese Molding Assistant
13. Common Michigan Arsonist
14. California Metrosexual Alliance
15. Call-girl Missing an Arm

Those are just a few from off the top of my head. I am excited to teach you how to read, but I'm more excited to teach you how to shoot a basketball.

Love,

Your Dad

A Week In Review

Dear Little Baby Baum,

I am so excited that you are 12 weeks old! You are now the size of a lime, which makes you considerably larger than you were just a few weeks ago when we found out you were growing; the size of a little sesame seed. You (and your mom's belly) are growing so fast!

A lot has happened the last few weeks, so I'll give you a quick snapshot:

• Duke lost to Arizona in the Sweet Sixteen
• Mom (and you) have been in Boise for over a week 
• Dad found out that the Dry Cleaner is only open til noon on Saturdays in Colorado Springs
• I think you finished developing your kidneys which is a huge accomplishment! Nice work!
• The US led coalition forces into Lybia to over throw Khadafi
• Dad went to see his San Antonio Spurs play the Nuggets and Denver, and they too lost 
• Tim Duncan did not play

Anyway, about sums it up.  That and I found out that I love your mom even more than I had originally thought. Its been hard having you guys gone for this long. Plus she took your sister Maggie with her too, so Dad has been writing a lot of love songs and poetry and falling asleep next to a shrine of your mom. If you are a boy and get lucky enough to marry a girl as awesome as your mom you'll understand. 

Speaking of Gender...we get to find out what you will be in a few weeks! We're pretty excited.  I think you'll be an angel regardless of what sex you are.

Love you,

Dad

Your Mother's Nose

I wanted to make a list of family traits that I hope to see you have and where I hope they come from. I will follow up with a list of family traits that I hope you don't get and where they come from...

Hopeful Traits

1. Sense of Humor from your Nana Rain, Uncle Jess, and Uncle Joel - Pretty much the three funniest people I know. 
2. Your mom's nose - from your mom. Such a great little nose.
3. Your mom's eyes - so pretty...coupled with the cutest nose in the world... makes your mom gorgeous.
4. Both of your Grandma Michelle's (Baumgartner & Smidt) and Nana Smidt's thoughtfulness. Always thinking of everyone else.
5. Your Grandpa Mark's sense of adventure. Ironmans, Leadville 100's, kayaking, nuff said.
6. Your Uncle Joel's Height (if you're a boy). At 6'1"-6'2" he is a few inches taller than your dad.
7. Your Great Grandpa Ed's Math Skills. He worked for Boeing as an engineer...good skill to have.
8. Aunt Britt's organizational skills.  Seriously...you don't want to inherit mine...
9. Uncle Mark's computer skills. Always good in a pinch and saves a lot of money on outsourced IT work.
10. Grandpa Rick's thirst for knowledge. He is more well-read than anyone I know - From the Bible to books on the Relativity Theory.
11. Your mom's punctuality. If you get this from me you will always be late and your spouse will always be mad at you. 
12. Your Grandma Michelle Smidt's ability to focus. This is an important one because your dad...oh! I was going to tell you about the time when I was 7 years old and I...see, we can't both be like this.
13. Your Dad's taste in sports teams. All joking aside, if you end up a Yankee fan, a Laker fan, or a Cowboys fan we will need to take a blood test to see if you are really mine. Also, a love of the Ducks is pretty important...if you ever want to hang out during football season. Just kidding...but seriously.
14. Aunt Tiff's kindness. I've never met anyone sweeter. 
15. If you're a girl I hope you're lucky enough to be as pretty as your Mom, Aunt Heidi, Aunt Tiff, and Aunt Britt. If your a guy...I could really care less.
16. Your Dad and Grandpa Smidt's love for bacon. I can't stress how important this is. 

That's a good start. Stay tuned for "Family Traits I hope you don't get".

Off-Limits Fried Rice

Dear Little Baby Baum,

I had to attend a charity event last night for work so your mom decided she would make one of her favorite dishes in the world...fried rice.  I went to to the store to get green onions, frozen peas, and some gray thread so that your mom could sew a back-pocket button back on my suit pants.  I got out of the shower and the smell of bacon permeated the apartment... mmmmmmm bacon.

I hope that we share a love for bacon when you get to the point where you can eat real food. I'm sure we will, you're mom loves it too. Maybe we'll make it a tradition that when we talk about important things like where babies come from, and why you should always respect your teachers, or how important keeping your elbow in is while shooting a jump shot, we'll make a big plate of bacon and talk through it. "Alright [son/daughter's name], I got your report card...let's make a plate of bacon and talk about what happened in geometry this semester."

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked... So at this event I had a decent meal, but was thinking about your mom's fried rice the entire night.  So much so that I even thought about how good the peas looked when she was mixing it all together...and I hate peas. Hopefully we also share a disdain for peas, then your mom will never make them and I don't have to pretend to eat them but really feed them to Maggie. Oh, by the way, maggie is your half-dog-sister.  She's sweet, but she'll eat your food if you're not keeping an eye out for her. You'll like her, she's the color of santa claus' beard.

This is your sister, Maggie

Man, I get sidetracked easy.

So all night I'm thinking about how I'm going to have some fried rice when I get home.  Never get between a pregnant woman and her favorite meal. I asked if I could have some and was told no...in so many words. I knew through trial and error that it was best to just let this one go - if it's all that sounds good to your mom right now, she won't be able to eat anything else. So dad had a glass of water and went to bed - dreaming of fried white carb-loaded kernels of goodness mixed with the wonder-meat (bacon) and lots of other delicious goodies. Rice is great to eat when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something.

I had bacon this morning, so that helped.  Keep growing little angel, and try to have mom crave something that she doesn't mind dad eating too. If at all possible, have her next craving come from this list:

Things that Dad Wants Mom to Crave

1. Buffalo Wings
2. Cream Soda
3. Razzleberry Pie
4. Bacon Cheeseburger
5. Fruit-by-the-foot
6. Dried Mangos
7. Strawberry Shortcake
8. Cheesecake
9. Pizza
10. Thai Food
11. Action Movies
12. Basketball Games
13. NFL Draft Coverage

Thanks for your help. Talk to you soon.

Love,

Dad

Things that Your Mom has Craved

So here are a few things that your mom has craved through this whole 4-5 weeks since we've known about you.  Might I add that I am on a no-carb/low-carb diet and it's absolutely driving me insane.

1. Frosty's from Wendy's - this one almost killed me
2. Chips & Salsa
3. Brownies
4. Chocolate
5. Pepperoncini
6. Tim's Cascade Style Jalapeno chips
7. Nachos from a Shell Gas Station
8. Mozerella Sticks from Sonic
9. Peach Soda...and there isn't such a thing so we mixed juice with Sprite
10. Egg Salad Sandwiches...and she HATES those
11. Turkey Bacon
12. Bagels with an egg on top
13. Cadbury Chocolate 
14. M&M Cookies
15. Jalapeno Poppers
16. Jalapeno Bagels
17. Cheerios...just the plain kind (your mom is weird and doesn't like honey nut cheerios)
18. SmartWater - regular filtered water is not good enough for her (or you) but your dad drinks it and is totally fine...just sayin...
19. Foot rubs - this is not a food but it is worth mentioning.  Your mom always craves these, but since you've come around it's harder for your dad to say no.
20. French Fries with LOTS of Salt

I'll keep adding to this list as things pop up...as I'm sure they will :)

Heart Rate as a Gender Predictor? Britt... you little stinker...

Scientific data to counter the theory as found in multiple studies, the latest being 2006.

Our baby had a heart rate of 170 at 8 weeks, 5 days...

As the old wives' tale has it, if your unborn baby's heart rate is higher, above 140 beats per minute, that means you're carrying a girl. A lower heart rate below 140 bpm means you're having a boy.

It's hard to resist such an easy test, and ever so tempting to over-analyze the pitter patter of that tiny heart. In early pregnancy, the reassuring sound of that heartbeat is just about the only thing we've got to show a baby's even there. 

But don't get your hopes up, or have your hopes dashed, based on your baby's heart rate, because it has absolutely nothing to do with what your baby has between its legs. This particular old wives' tale was found to be completely false by a medical study 20 years ago. Another medical study in 2006 confirms that fetal heart rate has nothing to do with the baby's sex.

Here is a cool chart that shows the weeks of Pregnancy/heart rate (bpm), with a blue box for a boy and a pink box for a girl studied over 500 births... looks like it's still a coin-flip at this point.